I realized I am blessed. 

Shaqil and I spent the whole day out today to straighten things out. Alot of things out. I cried a whole bucket of tears and he got full on mad pissed with me as well but we both still battled it out till night.

I’ve been influencing him to start thinking deeply. I think I’ve been too agressive. He’s not used to the way I think and it was wrong for me to keep thinking that everybody would be able to think the way I do, mature the way I do.

We grew up in totally different households. I grew up religiously, he grew up totally opposite from me. I so desperately wanted him to change for the better that I have successfully beaten, bruised and strangled his happiness, I realized.

I realized how sad it was for him when I had dinner with him and his family today.

His mom kept on harping on how good of a girl I was. Responsible, keeping up with my prayers, work for my own money, independent ………. and she was comparing me to her own son. It breaks my heart because I know how it feels to be compared.

Nothing is worse than having family members who doesn’t trust you to be good. I’ve went through that. 

All I want to do now is be there for him, and stop trying to have that strong desire to change him because he is old enough to know what his responsibilities are. And if I am able to influence him by just doing good deeds and through my actions, then that is all that’s needed.